I’ll never forget a new acquaintance telling me bitterly that she had wanted her family to go into missions, ‘but Ed here didn’t want to.’ Husband Ed was sitting right there, resigned to being criticized in front of his children and people he had barely met. He was a godly man, but certainly not a respected leader in his family. She thought she was a godly woman….. (True story, changed names.)
According to homeschool speaker Douglas Phillips, many of the moms he meets around the country have issues with their husbands (which likely means their husbands have issues with them, but that’s not the point right now). Many men have no vision and no desire to lead their families, something that causes despair in both men and women. Many women have their own vision. In The Wise Woman’s Guide to Blessing Her Husband’s Vision, a talk on CD, Phillips outlines the problem and presents both hope and practical advice for wives.
While an abdication of his responsibility is obviously the man’s own fault, Phillips has noticed that the wife often encourages this tendency. How?
- By telling him what to do and how to do it.
- By trying so hard to solve his problems.
- By striving to be independent and to have her own mission.
- By being fearful.
- By disrespecting him.
- By being angry, nagging, and contentious.
- And more.
A wise woman, on the other hand, will seek to understand her husband, reinforce his authority, encourage him in serving the Lord, and respect him. His heart will trust in her. Even an unbelieving husband may be won without a word by his wife’s behavior (1Peter 3).
So, if your husband isn’t all you wish him to be, look at yourself. Can his heart trust in you? Are you encouraging him, or tearing him down? Is it all about you, or about him? Are you fearful? Do you respect him?
The Wise Woman’s Guide to Blessing Her Husband’s Vision can be a real encouragement and a godly reminder to wives everywhere. The principles are Biblical, the inspiration is heart-warming, and the advice is both godly and practical. I, and most of the women I know, need a reminder like this every once in a while. Many young wives have no idea how to put Biblical principles into practice; I know I didn’t at first. What’s more, there are Christian women who have never even heard of them!
This is a helpful talk on a crucial subject, and I recommend it.
—Note added in 2014: In light of the recent scandals surrounding Douglas Phillips, I considered deleting this post, just as I threw out this CD. However, even though the messenger is sinful (as we all are) the message is still worth considering, so I left this review on my blog. And I think, no matter what our other responses to the scandals are, they should include some element of “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”
Related resources include Married Mom, Solo Parent , and this example of how to make it work in everyday life.
Disclosure: This CD was part of a gift package at a homeschool conference I attended last year.
––Shared at No Ordinary Blog Hop, Better Mom Mondays , Encourage One Another Wednesday, Women Living Well Wednesdays, Works For Me Wednesday .
It’s easy for me to see how others undermine their husbands, but much more difficult to admit how I undermine my own!
That’s for sure. It’s also easier for me to see after the fact than while I’m doing it. Sigh!
Oh, that speck of sawdust we focus on as opposed to the plank in our own eye! It is truly so easy to see other wives do it, and be critical, and completely miss it when we are doing it.
Culture, too, is an issue. Watch most any prime time show, and male bashing is rampant. Very often the marriage models are incredibly dysfunctional, and the men are shown as sheep that just have to be led. So disgraceful!
Practice and gentle correction will certainly help us to get to a better and healthier place as wives, but this CD sounds great, especially for young women prior to being married.
Thanks for bringing it to our attention, and for sharing at NOBH!
Yes, it’s great for both married and unmarried women. And it has a few excellent lines about what kind of man a young woman should look for.
I have struggled with this. My husband isn’t quite as “busy” as I am about spiritual ambitions, so I get tired of waiting on him to lead and step in to lead for him sometimes. Thankfully, he hasn’t resented me when I’ve done this, but I know it’s discouraged him from his rightful position. I’ve tried to step back and let him lead more. In this I’ve found God speaking to my heart that I don’t trust him (God) when I rush in. So I’m patiently waiting on the Lord to work in and through my husband’s heart now. Thanks for your great and wise challenge, Annie Kate!
This was a great post and a good reminder! I find myself wondering just how much I nag vs. build up.
[…] For women who struggle with this issue in their own families, I have reviewed two wise, encouraging, and practical resources, Married Mom, Solo Parent and The Wise Woman’s Guide to Blessing her Husband. […]